I Can't
by Race122VE
Summary: What happens when Santana sends 'I can't' and Brittany receives it. Rumors Brittana angst. One shot.


**Title:** I Can't  
><strong>Author:<strong> Race122VE (Coll)  
><strong>Pairing:<strong> Santana/Brittany  
><strong>Rating:<strong> PG-13  
><strong>Summary:<strong> What happens when Santana sends 'I can't' and Brittany receives it_._ Rumors Brittana angst.  
><strong>Word Count:<strong> 1,162**  
><strong>**Disclaimer:** All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.

The words had been typed out for close to an hour.

She thinks, anyway. Time seems to do this funny thing where it drags at an agonizingly slow pace or jumps to the next day in the blink of an eye nowadays.

Her hands were shaking the whole time, fumbling with her phone, and it took a good five minutes for her to actually spell them correctly, which just shows how conflicted she is about the whole situation.

After all, how hard is it to type out the words I can't?

Pretty difficult apparently.

But not just because her hands weren't doing their job and working, because Santana had been struggling with everything for so long that she didn't actually realize what she'd agreed to in the choir room. Once she and Brittany parted ways and Santana headed to her car to drive home she sat there and let the weight of her decision wash over her. She played different scenarios in her head over and over again until she found herself at home, sitting cross legged on her bed, and staring at her cell phone.

The whiteness of the letters against the dark background is blinding and she finds that she has to look away every now and again. Then, the backlight will go off and the message will be gone and she'll convince herself that she imagined it until she presses down on a random key and it's back.

Every few minutes, she'll go to options and highlight the delete option. Her finger will hover over the key, her heart willing her to press down, to be strong, but the fear is too powerful.

Still, she tortures herself with the idea of _really_ being with Brittany: going on the cheesy cheese show, agreeing to go to prom, walking down the halls with their hands clasped together, all eyes on them. Then the fantasy changes, morphs into some kind of nightmare. The people in the halls watching them are suddenly glaring. Their mouths are flinging hurtful words while they body check her and Brittany into lockers. Santana can put up with a lot of shit, but she's simply terrified of having what happened to Kurt happen to her.

Or, worse, happen to Brittany.

She's just…not ready, which sucks because Artie's officially out of the picture. At least she won't have to watch them be all cute and adorable anymore.

That's what probably hurts the most. All the things she's done that have brought her here, one word away from finally having Brittany, was all just a big waste of time apparently. She can't give Brittany what she wants, she can't be what Brittany needs, and she's just so disappointed

But it's not enough to make her change that drastically. She's just not ready. No matter how badly she wants this.

Somehow, finally, she talks herself into hitting the send button. A small box appears asking if she's sure she wants to send the message to Brittany S. Pierce. Santana almost laughs at the question. Of course she's not sure; doubt is coursing through her veins.

Right now though? Right now it's her only option.

A small series of beeps indicates that the message has been sent. Immediately after she holds down the key to shut her phone off and she chucks it on the floor. She uncross her legs and climbs under her covers, hugging herself closely and continuing the internal fight over whether or not she'll ever be able to overcome this fear that is keeping her from the one thing she's ever really wanted.

The way Brittany's chest tightened when she saw that Santana had texted her was not a new feeling. She recognized it from before, with Artie and her other people she dated. It's that feeling you get when you love someone and you're just so excited to see them or hear from them that you feel like you might get a heart attack.

Not that she would ever _really_ get a heart attack; she knows how bad they can be. So, no matter how happy she gets, Brittany always reminds herself not to let her get so happy that she nearly dies.

With Santana, though, it's really hard to not be that happy. Things had been a little rough at first. Santana pulled away after she started talking about feelings and Brittany really missed her and then Karofsky, but things seemed to be working out how they should.

Things were starting to make sense and she was so happy that Santana was going to come on her show and go to prom with her because she really liked that love song. It was about love and birds, that makes it one of the best songs ever.

All of that combined made her so excited for the show.

Brittany had double checked all the things she needed for Fondue For Two three times before she felt satisfied enough to sit and wait in her chair. She'd lie down to try to relax, but Lord Tubbington did _not_ like sharing the bed. And he did get there first.

Before she could get into it with him, Brittany had gotten a text and leaped up. She couldn't stop bouncing when she saw that it was Santana until she actually opened the text message.

It took her an hour to really understand what the message meant.

Actually, she knew right away. As soon as she saw the words her chest tightened in a completely different not good way. The feeling still scared Brittany because she felt like she could die from the way that she feels staring at this text.

So she started thinking about what else it could mean, because she's done with Artie and Santana sang her that song and agreed to come on Fondue For Two and she loves her. Brittany knows that she gets confused easily, but she just doesn't understand why Santana can't do this.

Then she thought the words got confused or switched themselves around (they do that to her sometimes), but there's only two words. 'I' and 'can't.' At one point, Brittany thought Santana had sent her the message 'can't I' and just forgot to finish, but when she called back Santana's phone went straight to voice mail.

The time continued ticking down until she had no choice but to accept that Santana wasn't coming.

Brittany didn't have time to dwell on the disappointment though, the show must go on and she was smart enough to know that Lord Tubbington was here. She was also professional, which is why she's putting aside her anger towards him. It's also why she's not going to cry.

She stops thinking about how confused and hurt and sad she is when the theme song to her show starts to play. She takes a deep breath, looks at the camera, and hopes that she can keep it together when she goes live in 3, 2, and 1.


End file.
